


The One Where Peter Sends Lots of Selfies

by KaliopeShipsIt



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Everyone Has a Different Ringtone, M/M, Other, Peter likes sending Selfies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:24:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaliopeShipsIt/pseuds/KaliopeShipsIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The answer to the most important question left unanswered by Teen Wolf 3x19: Why did Allison have a Selfie of Peter on her phone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not put my stuff on Goodreads. I was not aware that part of my stories were on there and I am not comfortable with having my fan fics circulated out of my control. 
> 
>  
> 
> Inspired by this lovely observation on Tumblr: 
> 
> http://mariusperkins.tumblr.com/post/77057389845/jeanenjolras-teenwolf-rawr-can-we-just-talk

_**I’m Asking You to Be My True Companion – True Companion.** _  

 

Scott blearily raised his head from his pillow, cursing his werewolf hearing – and his sappy ringtone that signaled a new text message – as he blindly grabbed for his phone. It was 3 am and in his pre-werewolf days he would have probably ignored the message, but ever since he had been bitten, text messages in the middle of the night usually meant disaster.

He unlocked his phone and immediately tensed when he saw that the message had come from Peter Hale. That couldn’t be good.

Unbidden, his mind flooded with images of Derek and or Peter lying beaten and bloody in a warehouse, in the woods or on the steps of an old escalator in an abandoned building. If, by some small miracle, none of them had been injured, who knew what new evil could have befallen Beacon Hills while Scott had slept.

He frantically opened the message, prepared for nothing short of a supernatural catastrophe – and paused.

It was a picture.

The picture neither showed bloody carnage nor a vicious monster.

Well, arguments could be made for the latter, but Scott didn’t have time to dwell on that right now.

He was, in fact, much more occupied with trying to figure out why Peter Hale had just sent him a Selfie.

Not that it was a particularly bad Selfie. It was a rather good picture of Peter actually, taken slightly from the side, showing of the angles of his face and making him look quite elegant.

There was a mischievous look in his eyes and his lips were curled in a self-satisfied smirk. If Peter had been Scott’s Alpha, he would have proudly showed off the picture to everyone. Well, maybe not everyone, but it could never hurt to impress rival packs with a confident Alpha.

Scott briefly wondered if he should send a Selfie to Isaac and Stiles.

He decided against it. It would probably weird them out.

His eyebrows rose in confusion as he typed an answering message to Peter.

_Thanks for the picture. Is anything wrong?_

No one would be able to claim that Melissa McCall had not raised a polite boy.  

He didn’t get an answer, which, considering that Peter had woken him up at 3 am Scott considered to be a tad rude. Shrugging, he put the phone back on his nightstand.

He wasn’t surprised - wolves had literally raised Peter after all.

 

==============

**_I Know That It's a Little Bit Frightening. We Might as Well Be Playing With Lightning_ **

 

Kira curiously laid her textbook aside and reached for her phone. Her heart skipped a beat and she hoped that it would be a message from Scott. Technically they had not been on a date yet but she was definitely hoping this would happen in the not too distant future.

Her face fell when she saw that the message was from an unknown number. Then she became suspicious.

It wasn’t like she had made many friends at school yet and not many people had her number. It was probably some marketing text and she frowned. She would really have to tell her mom to write the cell phone company about that.

Absentmindedly, she clicked on the message, ready to move it to the trash folder – and paused.

It was a Selfie. A Selfie of someone who was a complete stranger to her. It wasn’t a perverted picture or anything like that – and boy was she glad for that, the guy was kinda old – but it was weird nevertheless.

The guy was grinning into the camera, puffing out his chest and making cross-eyes at her.

 

It was very creepy.

She deleted the message.

On a whim, she texted Scott about it.

_So, this creepy guy just sent me the weirdest Selfie. Totally random, right?_

She was a little surprised when she received Scott’s answer.

_How the hell did Peter get your number?!_

Kira sighed. This new town was definitely strange.

 

==============

**_If Only I Could Have a Friend To Stick With Me Until the End And Walk Along Beside the Sea, Share a Bit of Moon With We_ **

 

Isaac was a little confused as he stared at the picture he had just opened.

It was a Selfie of Peter Hale. He was wearing a scarf and smoking a cigar.

Isaac hadn’t even known that werewolves could smoke cigars with their heightened senses. He didn’t imagine that it would be a pleasant experience.

Sadly, that wasn’t really the point.

He had only spent a short time around the oldest surviving member of the Hale family, but he had come to expect all sorts of weirdness from all of them over the past year.

The fact that Peter had just sent him a Selfie for no reason therefore did not bother him much.

What bothered him was the sloppy way Peter had arranged the scarf around his neck.

Pack or not, Isaac considered himself a helpful werewolf.

_Nice scarf, man, but the draping technique could use some practice. I could help sometime?_

He didn’t get a response.

Typical.

 

===============

**_For This Queen You Think You Own Wants to be a Hunter Again_ **

 

Allison was watching television with her dad when she got the Selfie. It was rather unfortunate that her father happened to be looking over her shoulder when she opened it.

Ever since the “Another werewolf?!” outburst Chris Argent had been a little sensitive in regards to secrets being kept from him by his only daughter. Allison couldn’t even blame him for it, and it wasn’t like he was stealing her phone in the middle of the night to peruse her messages.

Now, however, was not the time to ponder how to wean her father of his newly developed overbearing parent-approach.

She had never seen her father turn so red in his life. She could practically see the veins throbbing under his temple.

It was time to act fast.

“Dad! It’s not what you think!”

Chris jumped up and made a beeline for his office, leaving Allison to hastily scramble of the couch and race after her father.

When she got to the office, Chris had already dragged out one of his biggest guns of the closet, a constant litany of “I’m going to _kill_ him” falling from his lips.

“Dad! It’s not what you think.”

He spun around. “Well, what _am_ I thinking?”

Allison crossed her arm in defiance. “Well I certainly _hope_ you are not thinking I’m hooking up with Peter Hale, which would not only mean that you have no respect for judgment of character nor my intelligence. Or, come to think of it, my morality.”

He might be a bit dopey and she neither knew what the two of them were to each other, exactly, nor how to deal with the stupid scarves, but Allison Argent was not a cheater, especially not on Isaac.

Chris scowled at her in his best Derek Hale impression, although a guilty look had appeared in his eyes.

“Alright. I’m glad to hear it, you have no idea _how_ glad. That doesn’t answer the question though of why Peter Hale is sending you a Selfie. I keep up on teenage pop culture you know. I have seen all the shows. I know why people send each other Selfies. It’s _never_ harmless.”

Allison laughed. “First of all, I am so putting a parent-lock on the remote, we can’t have you go around thinking “16 and Pregnant” is my aspiration in life” – Chris visibly paled at the idea and she regretted that she had picked that particular waste of screen-time as an example “and second, I have no idea. When was the last time anything Peter Hale did wasn’t psychotic or actually made sense?”

She took a closer look at the picture, inspecting it in detail for the first time since her father had run for his gun collection.

As far as Selfies went, it was actually really good. Peter was staring into the camera intently, his chin slightly turned to the side and a brooding look on his face. It was a Hale look if she had ever seen one.

“It is a good picture.” Chris conceded, when she showed it to him.

“It’s the best picture we have of Peter Hale. You might just save it to your picture folder. After all, you never know when you had to have a picture for a “Most Wanted” poster handy.” … he paused, deep in thought for a moment.

“But you are not sending him one back!”

As it was so often the case, Allison couldn’t argue with well-seasoned hunter logic.

She just hoped no one would ever find out she kept a Selfie of Peter Hale on her phone.

==============

**_To Absolutely Drive You Wild, Wild... She’s All Out to Get You. She’s a Killer Queen_ **

 

Lydia Martin was most definitely used to guys sending her Selfies. She still had a 3 GB folder of Jackson Selfies on her computer – for sentimental reasons, of course.

Although if she was honest, out of all the werewolves currently residing in Beacon Hills to send her a Selfie, Peter was by far not the weirdest choice.

It could have been Scott – now that would have been awkward.

Lydia took her time to look at the picture, trying to find out what Peter was trying to tell her by posing in such a manner.

The look on his face was as if had had tried for seductive, stumbled over ridiculous and had ended up with seriously constipated.

She briefly wondered why his eyes were clear in the image and not flashy, almost doubting its validity for a second.

Then she shrugged. For all she knew, there was probably a Werewolf-Eye-De-Flash App out there somewhere.

It was the only explanation that made sense, given how hung up everyone had been on the “Oooh, we can tell if someone’s a werewolf by taking a _picture_ of him.”

Maybe the app was now serially installed in the new Smartphones. She had always had the suspicion that there was something supernatural going on at Apple Headquarters.

She dismissed it as irrelevant.

And focused on Peter’s bunny ears instead.

Who knew the big bad wolf had a fixation on bunnies. Then again, it made sense. In a really creepy, emotionally disturbed way of course.

Nevertheless, it was weirdly original and she supposed worthy of a reply.

_Creep_.

No one had said it had to be a _nice_ reply.

=============

**_Green Eyes, Red Hair, Long Legs - Devil Inside Her_ **

 

Aiden couldn’t help but feel a little excited when he saw that he had a message from Peter Hale. Granted, he would have preferred to be woken up by a message from Lydia, but Peter suited him just fine, albeit for a different reason.

He had no doubt that something important was going on and that he and his brother would be needed to join the werewolves of Beacon Hills in order to fend off the newest supernatural villain.

Of course it would have been a better sign if Scott had requested the backup, but as tight as him and Derek were nowadays, it made sense for Peter to rally the troops so to speak.

He was always looking for a chance to prove himself to the True Alpha these days and this might just be the night his brother and him would finally be allowed to join Scott’s pack.

He opened the message.

And froze.

Shaking himself out of his shock, he quickly typed a response.

_Uhm, Dude? I know we look a lot alike, but I’m not the twin who appreciates pictures of naked male chests. No offense._

With a huff he fell back onto the mattress. He had almost drifted off to sleep again when his mind formulated a brilliant plan.

Grinning victoriously he arranged himself on the bed so his abs would be on full display, smiled his most seductive smile and took a Selfie to send to Lydia.

Her response was regrettably short and picture-less.

_Men!_

=============

_**I Confess I`m A Fool For a Man With a Clever Mind. But Your Intellect Ain’t No Match For This Heart Of Mine.** _

 

Ethan was pleasantly occupied when his cell phone went off, indicating that he had a new text message. Nevertheless, he paused on instinct, turning towards the nightstand where his phone was halfway hidden under his boxer shorts.

Before he could make a grab for it – it was late at night after all and it had become somewhat of an unspoken rule that late at night texts were always important – Danny had already snatched the phone away from him.

“I hope you’re not thinking about answering that” he gasped, reaching his free hand up to grab Ethan’s face and pulling him down again for a passionate kiss.

Ethan ground his hips against the other man’s pelvis, gasping as the new angle sent shivers of pleasure all throughout his body.

“It could be important” he tried to argue, quite proud of himself for being able to articulate whole sentences, given that most of his attention was currently occupied by the tight heat clenching around his penis.

“I at least need to see who it’s from” he reasoned, thrusting himself forward to grab the phone from Danny.

He did not succeed in getting his phone, however, he did succeed in hitting Danny’s prostate.

The breathy moans of the younger man turned into a sharp cry and Ethan groaned in response.

“What you need is to do that again. Right now!” Danny demanded, phone tightly clutched in his hand as he arched up against Ethan, allowing his lover to penetrate him even deeper.

“I will … if you tell me who it’s from.”

Danny sighed in protest as Ethan stilled his movements.

The two men stared at each other almost defiantly, both of their chests rising and falling sharply.

Danny clenched around Ethan experimentally.

Ethan threw his head back with a loud moan.

“Not fair!” he breathed.

Danny smirked. “Serves you right.”

When Ethan still did not make an attempt to move, Danny gave up.

Ignoring his throbbing erection pressed between their stomachs, he opened the text message.

“Uhm. Ethan?”

His tone was sharp and Ethan almost whined in confusion.

“Huh?”

Danny’s eyebrows rose until they were practically one line.

“This might be an awkward moment to ask you this, considering that you are currently buried balls-deep inside me and all, but I have to wonder … why is this guy sending you Kissy-Face Selfies?”

He turned the phone around, glaring suspiciously at the confused werewolf.

It was a Selfie of Peter. To be precise, it was a Selfie of Peter holding a pink teddy bear. He was blowing a kiss into the camera.

Ethan was so startled he went soft. He couldn’t help it. The guy was scary!

The look on Danny’s face was thunderous.

Unfortunately for Ethan, he didn’t have the slightest clue how to explain this.

=============

**_Ping_ **

 

Derek resisted the temptation to throw his phone against the wall when it went off for the eighth time that evening.

He willed his hands not to extend into claws – trying to text with claws was a bitch and scratched up the screen like nobody’s business.

_Enough!_

_…_

_And I never wanted to know about your bunny fetish!_

It was sheer and utter resignation that made him open the picture, figuring that it couldn’t get any worse after the weirdly half-naked posing and the come-hither picture he had gotten two hours before.

As soon as he saw the picture, his expression turned murderous.

Peter was grinning manically into the camera, obviously utterly pleased with himself. Well, he was trying to grin, as he had stuffed half of a lemon into his mouth.

The hand he wasn’t using to hold the camera was triumphantly waving a bottle of Sweet and Sour sauce.

Derek was _never_ going to forgive Stiles for that nickname. Especially since it had stuck – with his uncle of all people.

Being serious did not automatically make one a Sour Wolf.

He wanted to hit something.

Preferably Peter.

Stiles would do, too.

His phone went off again.

It was going to be one of those nights.

=============

**_Everybody Knows I Got the Magic In Me_ **

 

Stiles heaved a deep sigh when the name Creepy!Wolf popped up on his cell phone. He hoped that everyone at the Hale residence was still in one piece and none of them had managed to piss off some fairy or unicorn or whatever monster that was currently travelling through the town.

He opened the message and almost fell off his bed with a startled squeak.

It was a Selfie of Peter … a wolfed-out Peter baring his teeth at him with a maniacal glint in his eye.

Once he had gotten his heart rate back under control, Stiles checked for a text to accompany the picture. Not surprisingly, there was none.

Frowning, he texted Derek.

_Yo Sour Wolf! Your uncle is insane. And he doesn’t understand what a Selfie is for._

**_Tell me something I don’t know._ **

**_Wait, what IS a Selfie for actually?_ **

Stiles grinned. The big bad wolf was so clueless sometimes.

_Get a Facebook account already Derek! Hot people post Selfies of their toned abs all the time. It will change your life, I promise._

**_Peter has a Facebook. I don’t want him to friend me._ **

_Haha, gotcha! Seriously though, what’s his problem? Did he not have his nap today? Maybe you need to take him for a walk around the block?_

**_If you don’t stop with the dog jokes I will rip your throat out._ **

_With your teeth, I know._

_Sorry Sour Wolf ;)_

_Hey Derek?_

**_Yes Stiles?_ **

_How come you have never sent me a Selfie?_

There was no response for almost five minutes.

Stiles had almost given up on it when his ringtone sounded again and a new message from Derek appeared on his display. It had a photo attachment.

He opened the message with a slight grin, only to huff in frustration.

It was a Selfie alright … of a fully wolfed-out Derek, baring his teeth at him with an annoyed glint in his eye.

The Hales’ minds worked surprisingly alike sometimes. It was a little worrisome.

_Not hot Sour Wolf, NOT hot!_

A minute later his phone rang again.

This time, Derek had sent him a picture of his abs.

Stiles licked his lips.

_Show-Off!_

**_You asked for it._ **

To be fair, he sort of had – and he was very happy with the results.

Stiles flexed his fingers in anticipation.

Peter Hale was still weird, but free jerk-off material most definitely was not.

=============

_I **Saw a Werewolf Drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s. And His Hair Was Perfect.** _

 

Jackson took one look at the sender and deleted the message without even opening it. He was so done with that nonsense.

=============

_**No Time For Losers. Cause We Are the Champions of the World**._

 

Coach Finstock resisted the urge to tear at his hair in frustration when the ringtone signaled a new message.

He had just gotten his cell number changed again and there was no reason anyone should be texting him tonight – except maybe for those stalker students who forced him to change his number on an almost monthly basis in the first place.

“Greenberg, I swear, I don’t know how you’re doing it, but this isn’t funny anymore.”

Furious, the Coach grabbed his phone, prepared to type a long message about the pros and cons of restraining orders and was surprised to find that it was actually a picture.

It was a Selfie of a man who was definitely not Greenberg.

He seemed vaguely familiar but Finstock had no idea who he was.

The man was standing in front of his bathroom mirror, his chin propped up on a baseball bat as he stared longingly into the camera. He was wearing a pink tutu.

This had definitely gone too far!

_Greenberg! I know it’s you! This doesn’t even make any sense!_

_…._

_Stop Texting Me!_

_…._

_You better not be ignoring me now Greenberg!_

_…._

_I want answers, darn it!_

_…._

_Greenberg!_

 

==============

Peter Hale snickered maniacally.

It was a good day to be declared mentally insane. 


	2. Even More Selfies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it make sense that Peter would send the other adults Selfies as well? No. Did the first chapter make sense? Nope.

**_Carry On My Wayward Son, There’ll be Peace When You Are Done_ **

 

Life had not been kind to Chris Argent ever since he had moved to Beacon Hills. His sister had turned out to be a crazy psychopath – on second thought, so had his father –, he had lost his slightly less psychopathic but still somewhat disturbed wife, and his daughter couldn’t keep her hands away from naked werewolf chests.

He had taken up yoga to deal with the stress.

It soothed him and calmed him down very effectively whenever he walked in on his daughter and her werewolf-catch of the week doing things a father should never see.

Of course he was being a bit unfair. It had only been two werewolves after all – that he _knew_ of.

Chris immediately sank down into Downward Facing Dog upon the last thought.

Then he switched to a Dolphin Plank.

As much as he enjoyed the canine-themed resting pose, it was definitely not the right choice if one wanted to calm down over the prospect of one’s only daughter doing it doggy style with a werewolf.

Who wore scarves – lots of them.

In retrospect, Chris really missed Scott. McCall had his faults, but at least he seemed to spend his time looking out for his friends rather than searching the Internet for different draping techniques.

Allison had scoffed at the idea, but Chris trusted his observation skills – and Youtube.

**PuppyEyedLoverBoy17** might never show his face in his 20-minute in-depth scarf-draping tutorials, but Chris had recognized the inside of his daughter’s closet with ease.

He was expecting the kid to come out about his scarf-addiction any day now.

Until then, he was determined to just ignore the problem as best as he could – and maybe find a new favorite resting pose.

He was using all his concentration to maintain the Firefly Pose he had finally perfected, when the screen of his phone – lying in eye- and grabbing-distance should a werewolf-related emergency arise – suddenly lit up.

Unlike some other poses, the advantage of Firefly was that if one fell, one would land on his butt and not on his head.

Chris had no time to be grateful.

Instead, he was staring in horror at the image on the little screen.

It was Peter Hale. Sucking on his thumb. Dressed as a baby. His eyes were blown wide open, the look in them totally innocent.

Coincidentally he also had a Post-it note saying “I’m innocent” plastered to his forehead. It was right under the giant baby-cap.

Chris wasn’t buying it for even a second.

Also, his tailbone hurt.

On second thought, so did his head.

Chris Argent _hated_ werewolves.

Sadly, given his daughter’s dating habits, his future grandchildren would probably turn out to be werewolves.

Who might or might not look like Peter Hale. Who might be trying to tell him something?

Chris turned an alarming shade of red.

“Allison!!!!”

 

================

 

**_You Know You Always Were, Cuz Mom You Always Were... the Perfect Fan_ **

 

Melissa McCall was enjoying a peaceful night at home with her favorite talk show when her phone signaled that she had gotten a new message.

Curiosity was soon replaced by anger when she saw who had sent it.

After her date-fiasco with Peter, she had changed the name on his contact information to “Bailing Scumbag.”

“Bailing Scumbag” had turned into “Dangerous Psychopath” after Scott had finally told her the truth about the supernatural occurrences in Beacon Hills and she had seriously not expected to ever hear from the man again.

Yet, there it was, a text message from Derek Hale’s uncle.

A part of Melissa wanted to just go ahead and delete the message, however, her natural curiosity won out.

She couldn’t help it. She squawked and jumped up from the couch.

Seconds later, two sets of feet were trampling down the staircase and before she had a chance to hide her phone, her two resident wolves in shining armor burst into the living room, ready to defend her from whoever had made her squawk like that.

“What is it, Mom, what happened?!” Scott yelled, eyes flashing red and incisors lengthening as he surveyed the room for intruders or other possible dangers.

Isaac was following his Alpha’s lead, thrusting his body in front of Melissa to shield her from any attack, eyes roaming the living room and growling dangerously.

Melissa was envisioning the breaking of even more furniture in her mind and she knew she had to calm the boys down as fast as she could.

Sadly, she did not feel relaxed at all, and both werewolves were able to pick up on the tremor in her voice when she told them to calm down.

“Mom, what happened?!” Scott asked again, moving closer to check her for any injuries, although his eye-color had returned to its normal brown.

“You sounded terrified!” Isaac chimed in; he was obviously not ready to calm down just yet.

Melissa tried and failed to laugh it off. “Nothing happened, I just got a weird text message and I wasn’t prepared for it. It’s nothing, really.”

As soon as she said ‘text message’, Scott and Isaac froze, expressions of alertness and concern giving way to horror.

Before she had a chance to react, her son had already snatched the phone away from her.

Melissa had never seen his eyes change their color up-close and she was both amazed and terrified by it, as Scott’s face twisted in fury and his eyes flashed bright red once more.

“No way!” he roared, thrusting the phone towards Isaac, who smoothly caught it, and making a grab for his jacket.

“He can send me Selfies, that’s fine. Heck, he can even send my maybe-girlfriend strange Selfies I don’t care! But this is where I draw the line!”

His shoulders were shaking and Melissa couldn’t help but make a whining sound in the back of her throat when Scott dug his claws into the backrest of the sofa.

However, her resigned mutter of “Honey, don’t claw the upholstery to shreds” was drowned out by Scott’s outraged cry of “He _cannot_ send shit like this to my _MOM!_ ”

Isaac was still staring at the picture in disbelief when Scott tore out of the room, leaving his exasperated mother and Beta in his wake.  

Melissa sighed. This was not how she had envisioned her evening off work.

“Are you ok?” Isaac asked, genuine concern pouring out of his voice and Melissa sighed again, this time with affection.

“Of course I am sweetheart, don’t worry, I have quite literally seen worse.”

She patted Isaac’s shoulder and stepped around him, getting another good look at the Selfie.

It had been taken in front of a large bathroom mirror. Peter was grinning seductively into the camera, completely naked, with only a gift-bow wrapped around his middle, strategically placed to conceal his private parts and prevent him from being sued for sexual harassment.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst harassment Peter Hale had ever bestowed upon her family.

Not for the first time Melissa pondered if it could actually be legal to sue someone for turning one’s only child into a werewolf in the state of California.  

“What do you think Scott’s going to do once he finds Peter?” she asked and Isaac grimaced.

“That was the most terrifying Alpha roar he has managed so far, so if I were Peter, I’d be concerned,” he admitted and Melissa pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I should probably go with him.” Isaac offered into the resulting awkward silence and Melissa nodded.

After the door had fallen shut behind him, Melissa sank back into the couch, her concerned mother-face finally easing into a celebratory grin.

She could take care of herself very well on her own, thank you very much, but the thought of her son ripping Peter Hale a new one on her behalf made her feel like mother of the year, actually.

Snickering, she saved the photo to her phone for future blackmail reference and then dialed the number of her cell-phone company.

For the sake of her nerves and her son’s peace of mind it was about time she blocked Peter from ever contacting her again.

 

==================

 

**_Every Bond You Break, Every Step You Take, I'll Be Watching You._ **

 

Sheriff Stilinski was enjoying a coffee and a donut – glazed and filled with delicious cherry marmalade and most definitely not on Stiles’ list of approved foods for him – when his cell phone rang.

Startled, he dropped the donut, his free hand immediately going for his phone.

It was his private line and that could only mean that his son and/or one of the other kids were in trouble.

As soon as he pushed the talk button, the call ended.

It was an unknown number and the Sheriff shrugged, assuming that it was probably another telemarketer trying to sell him faster Internet or a new TV.

Not that anyone needed television entertainment when one could literally get kidnapped by crazy druids and chained to the roots of a magical tree at any given moment.

He put his cell phone away and reached for his donut, dunking it into his coffee and groaning as his taste buds were tingling with forbidden flavors.

He was contemplating a second donut when the phone rang again.

It was another unknown number and this time he pushed the talk button much faster.

“Hello? Who is this?” the Sheriff asked, a slightly authoritarian edge creeping into his voice.

There was silence on the other end of the line.

Then someone started breathing heavily.

Stiles’ father frowned. “You realize that prank-calling the Sheriff is not the best idea, right?”

The line went dead.

The advantage of having one’s station swarming with FBI agents, Stilinski decided, was most definitely the access to the much more advanced crime-solving technology that came with it.

Not that this was a crime yet, but it had been a rather slow day so far and Sheriff Stilinski had come to expect the unexpected over the past couple of weeks.

He didn’t have to wait long before the phone rang again.

The Sheriff pressed the talk button with grim determination and then almost dropped the phone when a loud howl came close to shattering his eardrum.

“What the …” he exclaimed, holding the phone at arms length, his eyes glued to the computer screen that showed the system’s progress in tracing the call.

The howling continued for over a minute and was suddenly replaced by hysterical giggling, before the line once again went dead.

This time, it only took ten seconds before his phone rang again, however, it was a text message rather than an incoming call.

Considering that the computer had just informed him that the call had come from the apartment building that housed Derek’s loft, Sheriff Stilinski was not at all surprised to see a picture of Peter Hale appear on the screen.

Nevertheless, he was not prepared for the curly fries that were sticking out of Peter’s mouth. And his ears. Not to mention his nose.

Having Stiles’ as a kid had been a natural booster to his patience-level, but having a family-murdering psychopath sending him pictures of food in the wrong orifices was successfully pushing the Sheriff’s limits. 

He briefly closed his eyes in silent defeat. Then he shook his head, heaved a deep sigh, and stood up from his chair, second donut all but forgotten as he grabbed his gun and headed towards the door.

After all, he should have arrested the man a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of Ring-Tones  
> Chris: Carry on My Wayward Son – Kansas (considers this to be the quintessential hunter song)
> 
> Melissa: The Perfect Fan – Backstreet Boys (Scott hijacked her phone to program it and Melissa thought it was sappy but also kind of cute)
> 
> Sheriff Stilinski: Every Breath You Take – The Police (identifies with this on so many levels)

**Author's Note:**

> I probably spent more time searching for ringtone lyrics than writing this thing actually. 
> 
>  
> 
> List of Ringtone-Songs:
> 
> Scott: Marc Cohen - True Companion 
> 
> Kira: The Wanted - Lightening
> 
> Isaac: Harry Nilsson - The Puppy Song
> 
> Allison: Dido - Hunter
> 
> Lydia: Queen - Killer Queen
> 
> Derek: Couldn’t be bothered to follow Stiles’ suggestion that everyone downloads a ringtone that describes his/her life – thought the idea was really, really stupid. 
> 
> Stiles: B.O.B. - Magic
> 
> Aiden: Gaelic Storm - Green Eyes, Red Hair
> 
> Ethan: Tina Turner - Typical Male (Decided to embrace his androgynous side and ignored the “female attraction on a typical male” chorus)
> 
> Jackson: Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London (Came up with the idea for his ringtone all on his own, without Stiles telling him to do it, thank you very much)
> 
> Coach Finstock: Queen - We Are The Champions (Had no idea why half of his Lacrosse players suddenly had sappy love songs blaring from their phones and decided to get them back on the right track)


End file.
